I have done some fucked up things in my 35 years of life, many of them things that I am not exactly proud of, which is not to say that I am ashamed of them either. The worst that can be said is that I feel a sense of ambivalence regarding these things, occasionally verging with a sort of perverse amusement. To simply say that there is something wrong with me would be an extreme example of understatement, the number of things that could viably be claimed as being wrong with me is something I don’t often like to dwell on…but that is precisely why I am undertaking this particular bit of self-indulgence.
The proper place to begin would be at the beginning, of course, but I am in no position to go back that far, so I will simply go back as far as I am able. I can’t promise anything like a coherent narrative will unfold here, because I know myself far too well to make an assertion that patently ludicrous. There will be some bouncing around here and there, as I document my life, some of the choices I have made, and (where possible) the proximate causes for some of those choices. I hope that some of this might be entertaining; to those of you who have a certain specific sort of humor about you…other parts will probably be downright fucking depressing. That is life though, a series of ups and downs…so get used to it.
I haven’t been writing lately, not how I would like to be, and this felt like the best way to kick start my motivation and get the engine behind my creativity purring along like the well-oiled machine it most assuredly has never been. It is past time for me to get my life back on track; I have been working a great deal towards the purpose of improving my physical condition and now I need to dedicate a similar degree of effort towards my intellectual and psychological well being. I figure that the best way to get started down that path would be to examine my life a little more closely. Cross your fucking fingers for me, because I can’t very well do it for myself while I am writing. This may take me a while, so have some goddamn patience, OK?
Note: you start with an abstract rather than a concrete. A lot of people have told me they’ve done fucked up shit. I would start with an example.
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I start with an abstract because everything that follows is serving as the concrete examples.
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