Devon’s childhood is reminiscent of many of our own early years spent in front of the television, complete with mothers who worked as strippers and fathers who found themselves sexually aroused when ALF was on the air. Wait? Is that not a common thread for those of us within a certain age range? Well, we can surely all identify with childhood trauma associated with the sexual proclivities of our fathers, right? Alright, fine…maybe Devon’s childhood isn’t the everyday, standard set of experiences. I doubt it qualifies as a spoiler to suggest that Devon’s father has a certain fetish associated with hamsters. It’s a bit of a Richard Gere scenario, for those who recall those rumors that circulated around the man who brought Dick Tracy to life and who fell for the hooker with a heart of gold…just with hamsters rather than gerbils. What would spoil this for you is if I described the circumstances surrounding the father’s death. I will not do that. All I will say is that none of us reading this will hold a candle to the trauma Devon experiences in those final moments. Later in life, Devon finds his path crossing with a pet store associate, Peggy. Though he has developed a strange fetish of his own, he finds himself drawn to the woman just the same. From there, R. J. Benetti drags us through a gruesome conclusion no one will see coming. This story is fantastic in its unexpected absurdity and no-holds-barred disgusting content. I don’t know what I might have expected going into this one, but if I had any expectations at all, they would have been shattered before I finished the first section of narrative.
You can swing by http://www.godless.com to pick up a copy of this story as part of the 31 Days of Godless event. You can also obtain it through the Godless app, available for your mobile device of choice. The link is below:
Clarke doesn’t exactly tell us how the games begin, skipping forward to the tail end of Jesus announcing the list of dead, with only 72 surviving terrorists in the battle royale. Before we join back up with the ANTs, we spend a little while with Al-Queefa, learning through violent bloodshed what it means to have a Wild Card introduced to the game. When we finally rejoin the Anti Terrorists, we learn a little bit about Scat’s life story before discovering new horrors amidst the roving bands of terrorists. Impatient for his sweet release, will Jesus keep ratcheting up the danger as he struggles to avoid becoming nothing but cum? Matthew Clarke follows up his first installment with this exciting and amusing continuation of his Second Cumming series. It’ll be nice to see where all of this is leading.
You can pick up this excellent bizarro series for yourself by going to http://www.godless.com or by downloading the Godless app. The link is below:
Chris Miller’s Flushed is short. I’d go so far as to suggest the value of giving this story a listen is inversely proportional to the size of the tale. What we have here is an uncomfortably–horrifyingly–relatable story of one of those times when we absolutely know our bowels are going to fail us in the worst possible way, at the most calamitous conceivable location, when the timing couldn’t be worse. While we all may not be able to relate to a drunken workplace hook-up with someone we’d sooner have avoided, I think we can all imagine how such a thing might happen. Miller tells an entertaining tale, increasingly implausible as Murphy’s Law takes a cruel toll on Marty. The narration provided by S. W. Salzman brings the extreme discomfort and humiliation to life.
This review was originally written in January of 2016. Since I reviewed the sequel on here, I figured I should copy over my review of this novel as well.
Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits by David Wong (aka Jason Pargin) is a John Scalzi novel that Scalzi hadn’t gotten the chance to write, or at least that’s what it feels like while reading it. The only thing anyone could use to distinguish this novel from one written by the author of The Android’s Dream and Redshirts would be the requisite dick jokes that certify it as being a David Wong book. It isn’t meant to be derogatory when I compare Wong’s writing and narrative in this novel to John Scalzi, because I consider Scalzi to be one of the most imaginative and versatile authors in the science fiction genre…though he seems to have some competition in Wong. Wry humor, ridiculous action sequences, satire and absurdity, and implausible science in equal measure are combined to create a fascinating and entertaining story…which should come as no surprise for anyone who read John Dies At the End and This Book Is Full of Spiders.
Willy’s Wonderland comes closer to being an adaptation of Five Nights At Freddy’s than The Banana Splits Movie managed a couple of years ago. I loved them both, but I have to say Willy’s Wonderland succeeds in surpassing The Banana Splits Movie in almost every way one could imagine. This could easily be one of the best horror/comedy flicks I’ll ever see. Nicolas Cage, as the unnamed janitor, does more with over-the-top expressions and action than many actors could pull off with a full script of dialogue. There’s a sort of hilarity to the total and complete lack of dialogue from the actor and the focus on a face that conveys exaggerated grimaces and sneers with such ease. We learn nothing about the janitor’s life before unfortunate circumstances led to his being locked in the dilapidated Willy’s Wonderland building overnight. Dog tags dangle from the rearview mirror of his car, hinting at possible military service in the past, but that is the extent of our protagonist’s backstory. That’s ok, though. We learn enough to know that if we ever need a janitor who can excel with a virtually impossible job on their plate and constant distractions, this guy is our man. If this were a video resume, I’d hire the dude for his work ethic alone…though he does appear to be a bit inflexible concerning when he takes his breaks. We learn plenty of backstory regarding the town of Hayesville and the history of Willy’s Wonderland itself. A Chuck E. Cheese-like establishment owned and operated by a serial killer who hired other serial killers to work as the staff. There’s something about a Satanic suicide ritual that allows the murderers to inhabit the animatronic bodies of the various cartoonish hosts of the place, and an uneasy bargain struck with the town’s inhabitants to keep the evil contained to the building itself. It’s absurd, gory, and ridiculously violent…and it is, in my opinion, a must-see for anyone who enjoys the Five Nights At Freddy’s games or any sort of ludicrously violent movies where teenagers and other people are slaughtered and oil replaces blood splatter as animatronic monstrosities are dismembered by the best janitor the world will ever see.
I’m copying over some reviews of titles I’d written up in 2018 and earlier, just in case these titles are new for other people.
This book, along with the two previous installments in the series, was handed to me by this beaten up concrete snowman I’ve always had. It only has one arm and it’s covered in bird droppings, but it occasionally has excellent suggestions as far as reading material is concerned. This was one of those times, not the others. This book felt more mature, in a sense, than the previous two in the series…the personal relationships between the characters felt more visceral and true to life, and there was a miasma of despair that sort of flowed through the whole narrative in a way that led to everything coming across as more real even though this story was just as full of surrealism and insanity as the previous two. I will be sorely disappointed if there aren’t further adventures of Dave, John, and Amy…now featuring not Joy Park.
With Zoey Punches the Future In the Dick, David Wong (Jason Pargin) successfully pulled off a difficult task in writing a sequel that is better than the previous novel, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that to be the case. The two sequels to John Dies At the End never quite captured the qualities of that first novel of the series…and yet this second Zoey Ashe novel takes what was great from the first novel (there was a lot) and amplifies it in a massive way. I can’t help but feel that this was the book he always meant to write, but he needed to introduce the characters by writing the first book. Tackling disgusting aspects of culture like incels and QAnon/PizzaGate conspiratorial thinking in the most hilariously over-the-top ways (without seeming too over-the-top if you’ve seen the nonsense some people actually believe in the real world), he pulls off a book that is both optimistic and pro-feminist. This is definitely one of those instances where the science fiction is heavily laced with political sensibilities (as if that’s ever not been the case). Wong’s ability to pull this off in the least subtle ways possible is what makes it impressive.