For “Snowflake,” there’s perhaps no greater torture than performing as a Christmas elf at the mall. Understandably, she’d feel that way, from the pedophile Santa to the grimy, screaming children. It doesn’t get much worse than that. Except for maybe being subjected to a hot box apartment with no air conditioning, a bare trickle of water pressure, and an elderly neighbor who listens to her television far too loud for anyone not hard of hearing. She’s got problems, but it’s about to get more interesting. She’s about to make them your problems instead. With irreverence and humor, Lindsay Crook assaults the hyper-commercialized Christmas holiday. She also sets her sights on inconsiderate neighbors, annoying coworkers, perverts, and Karens through the proxy of her protagonist, exhibiting knee-jerk reactions of violence that every reader is sure to relate to. How much chaos can one Christmas elf cause in the week before Christmas? You might be surprised. As with the previous Manic story, Crook manages to hit on topics from misogyny to miserable workplace conditions, while also attacking the seeming ubiquitousness of perverse male behavior, from the security guard to the mall Santa. Sure, it’s a fun romp as well, but there’s a whole lot of uncomfortable truth in this story as well.
This story was released as part of the AntiChristmas event at http://www.godless.com for December of 2021. You can pick it up for yourself by going to the website or by downloading the app to your mobile device. The link is below:
Is there a more horrible occupational combination of thankless and stressful than working in fast food? Probably not. For the protagonist of Lindsay Crook’s Manic, life at Bill’s Burger Barn is one endless flow of disrespectful customers, sleazy bosses, and revolting working conditions. It’s enough to drive anyone mad. But maybe, if her personal life weren’t also in shambles, she could hold herself together past Wednesday. That’s a big maybe, though. It’s going to be a long week, but she’s going to make it everyone else’s problem if she has her way. One can hardly blame her when the universe seems to set things up just right. Crook is making poverty and impulse control issues sexy again. Wait, were those things ever sexy in the first place? I’m sure they were. I’m going to let it ride. Crook is bringing sexy back in a big way! Lindsay Crook fills these few pages with plenty of violence, biological warfare in the form of toxic food treatment, and even more violence. There’s more than that, though. At the core, this is a story that showcases how unutterably awful life can be for women because, as much a caricature as Manic might be, it’s probably not far off from the average week for altogether too many women. The world might be a better place if those women finally had enough, just like this protagonist did. Of course, it would be a better place if people just behaved better in the first place, but that might be asking a bit too much. Crook also manages to capture the stress and hopelessness that goes hand-in-hand with poverty-level existence and working demeaning, demoralizing jobs, only to barely make ends meet.
You can pick up a copy of Manic by going to http://www.godless.com or by downloading the Godless app to your mobile device of choice. The link is below:
My Best Friend’s Exorcism is a nostalgia-packed excursion into the life of adolescent girls in the 1980s. We meet Abby and Gretchen when the girls are in fourth grade, as Abby attempts to celebrate her birthday party at a roller-skating rink. Alone with her family, Abby fears no one will show up, but the strange new girl from school appears. What begins as an awful experience for the birthday girl develops into the best friendship either of them could hope for. We’re provided with snapshots of the friendship between these two girls throughout the narrative, the bulk of the story devoted to character development. The meat of the story picks up when the girls are in their Sophomore year of high school at the prestigious Albemarle private school. They’re near the top of the class, and they have bright futures ahead of them. That’s when everything changes. Abby finds herself helpless as she watches Gretchen changing into someone she no longer recognizes, and everything becomes a dizzying nightmare of lies and manipulation that she struggles to navigate while learning that there’s more going on than she can easily comprehend. As a story about friendship and coming-of-age, it’s pretty fantastic, really delving into what it means to be best friends from childhood. As a horror or thriller story, it falls well short of the mark. I have the same issue with this Hendrix novel as I had with The Final Girl Support Group, in that the story grows tedious before it truly begins to get to the point where anything is happening that propels the narrative forward. Much like that novel, when this story starts getting good, it gets great, but it takes an awfully long time getting there. There are points when it appears to be picking up speed, only to revert to a meandering, detail-filled exploration of Abby’s day-to-day life, and it was challenging to make it through those intervals. The narration provided by Emily Woo Zeller brings this story of youth and friendship to life in a way that it desperately required. Her performance of the various girls, notably Abby and Gretchen, was terrific. The voice provided for Christian (The Exorcist) was amusing and captured the absurd, muscle-bound character in such a way as to make him almost feel real. The audiobook edition of this novel made an otherwise unsatisfactory experience a much better one, and that is due entirely to the quality of the narration provided.
I’ve never looked at a dildo and mistaken it for a chest expander, but I’m not a priest, so there’s that. This is how Hawker and McHardy begin their novella, My Dildo Is a Serial Killer. A priest opens a box containing what he believes to be exercise equipment, and insanity ensues. Of course, this mistake arises because someone who couldn’t spell “exorcism” delivered the box with the expectation that someone associated with the church would be able to remedy the problem with the giant purple dildo possessed by the spirit of a serial killer. His name is Terry. Escaping from the exorcism performed by a couple of priests, Terry finds his way to Christina, a disgusting human being with potentially no redeeming qualities. She is the perfect tool for the fulfillment of Terry’s needs. It’s not totally her fault, though. Wait until you meet her parents because, as messed up as Christina happens to be, there’s no doubt they played a key role in nudging her along that path. I’m not telling you anything more about this one. You have to experience it for yourself. The deaths are over-the-top and gruesome, the humor is dark and perverse, and the blistering pace keeps the reader raw and sore as McHardy and Hawker bestow us with a barrage of absurd, graphic, and hilarious events from beginning to climax. These two are fantastic on their own. Combined, they craft a seamless narrative that captures the best of both worlds.
This title was released as part of the 31 Days of Godless event at http://www.godless.com for October of 2021. You can pick up a digital copy of this release by going to the website or by downloading the Godless app on your mobile device of choice.
Jonathan Butcher has assembled quite the vile and visceral collection of stories in Scats, Splats, and Stupid Twats. It’s a quick read, but one that manages to leave one hell of an impact on the reader. The anchor of this collection, The Chocolateman, definitely has me anticipating the release of the novel inspired by this short. A disorienting and frankly revolting chance encounter in a public restroom sets the stage for a particularly filthy sort of horror befalling a man who despises any manner of filth. The stories Slop and Pretty Cunt showcase a certain graphic and visceral reaction to infidelity that will satisfy anyone who has been on the receiving end of that sort of treatment. Taking everything too far, Butcher provides a catharsis, penning fantasies that bring to light some of the darker thoughts people have experienced in times of pain and vulnerability. The other four stories run the gamut of topics. We experience the undying love between a mother and child, the harsh consequence of senility afflicting a wizard, a Halloween ritual of monstrous proportions, and a broken home struggling to stitch itself together. Butcher also includes a poem replete with fantastic descriptive elements and visually stunning imagery. This is a fantastic collection of shorts that will absolutely demand the attention of any reader brave enough to dive in.
This collection was released on http://www.godless.com as part of the 31 Days of Godless event. You can grab a copy for yourself by going to the website or by downloading the app. The link is below:
Cocksucker is a joyride through the swamps of Florida. Lucas Milliron paints a not-so-pretty picture of an Everglades populated by incestuous hillbillies, cryptids, and wild pigs…essentially what anyone outside of Florida expects to find in Florida. We first meet Clive as he and his sister, Abigail, are enjoying each other’s company in a way most of us hope our children never will. The true miracle of this book is that the hillbilly family, and Clive in particular, ultimately come across as sympathetic by the end of this tale. Not many books featuring inbred families manage to make those same people the heroes of the story, and yet that’s precisely what the reader will find within these pages. Sure, they’re disgusting people in essentially every way one might imagine, but they’re also quirky, funny, and–most importantly–human. When the henhouse is destroyed and the chickens are slaughtered and exsanguinated, Clive is forced to accompany his father on a hunt for the chupacabra-like creature responsible. Instead, Clive makes his first real friend, and that is only the beginning of this strange adventure. In the meantime, a suddenly tense vacation for a group traveling from Florida back home to California leads them on a collision course with the inhuman residents of the swamp where Clive and his family live, and it’s safe to assume none of them will be the same again, assuming that they survive. If you only read one book containing graphic depictions of men being raped by a skunk ape, Cocksucker should be that book. Are there other books with that subject matter? I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t care. This is the only one you ever need to read.
You can also obtain a copy of Cocksucker for yourself by going to http://www.godless.com or by downloading the Godless app on your mobile devices. The link is below:
Clarke doesn’t exactly tell us how the games begin, skipping forward to the tail end of Jesus announcing the list of dead, with only 72 surviving terrorists in the battle royale. Before we join back up with the ANTs, we spend a little while with Al-Queefa, learning through violent bloodshed what it means to have a Wild Card introduced to the game. When we finally rejoin the Anti Terrorists, we learn a little bit about Scat’s life story before discovering new horrors amidst the roving bands of terrorists. Impatient for his sweet release, will Jesus keep ratcheting up the danger as he struggles to avoid becoming nothing but cum? Matthew Clarke follows up his first installment with this exciting and amusing continuation of his Second Cumming series. It’ll be nice to see where all of this is leading.
You can pick up this excellent bizarro series for yourself by going to http://www.godless.com or by downloading the Godless app. The link is below:
Kevin Sweeny’s The Whorehouse That Jack Built could be best described as what one might arrive at if they attempted to blend Hellraiser with The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas, and set the tale in the late 1800s. There’s plenty of humor, though of a darker variety, and there’s a whole lot of focus on the place where pleasure meets pain in a sublime confluence. For the dying and the insane, a choice is given to cross the rubicon, to enter the Half-World in the Undiscovered Country. By giving up everything, the damned are provided with a chance to experience something no living soul, a single night of pleasure beyond anything available in Heaven or on Earth. All it costs is everything. We’re first introduced to this in-between house of carnal delights as Clem approaches the door with his old dog, Lady, by his side. Lady is no stranger to Clem’s sexual predilections, having served as his partner since she was a small pup. Aside from his blood, sweat, seed, and soul, Lady is the final sacrifice Clem makes as he crosses the threshold. Will he regret this decision or will the unearthly pleasures provided in the countless rooms of the whorehouse be sufficient to assuage the loss of his beloved Lady? As a dog lover–of a vastly different definition–I was not fond of Clem. Clem’s part in this narrative also includes language that, while appropriate to the time and the location, might offend some readers. It’s no less enjoyable for these things. Hell, it’s probably more enjoyable for the historical authenticity and the attention to detail Sweeny included. We’re next introduced to the albino preacher who arrives at the Half-World doors for an entirely different purpose, contrary to those of the usual guests. This new arrival comes just as the story comes to its end, leaving us wishing for more. Thankfully, the second installment in this series is already available, and there is more to come.
This title is a Godless exclusive that can be found at http://www.godless.com or by downloading the Godless app on your choice of mobile devices. The link is below:
Continuing a tradition started by none other than the author of Gulliver’s Travels, Jonathan Swift, Geick presents not only a strong defense for the consumption of babies, but an entertaining glimpse into the future. With food scarcity a real concern, what better solution than to devour babies and unwanted children? As presented in A Modest Proposal, the argument was that it serves a twofold solution, removal of a hungry mouth from circulation and a suitable meal provided for those who might otherwise be starving. I Eat Babies provides us with a refreshed and reinvigorated baby eating platform for the modern age. Using the drabble form, Geick succeeds in packing a hugely amusing–albeit perverse–collection of themed snippets of story into small packages. The important thing is that he does it well. Personally, I have to say this is a successful teaser for his upcoming collection of drabbles, double drabbles, and pentadrabbles. While I understand that this medium might not be for everyone, this collection has been made available for potential readers at no cost, so there’s no reason not to give it a chance. I know I will be picking up the new collection when it becomes available. Maybe we can enjoy the new collection together, over a main course of baby stew?
This collection is available from http://www.godless.com or through the Godless app on your preferred mobile platform. The link is below:
One of the highlights of KillerCon Austin 2021 was the quality of the performances that made the Top 3 in the annual Gross-Out Contest. Strawberry Shortcake was the second-place story written and performed by Daniel J. Volpe. Under normal circumstances, this story would have been the unquestionable winner. There was, however, a dark horse contender who slipped past and snagged victory from the fox’s teeth. Don’t let the cover art fool you. Daniel J. Volpe has written no wholesome tale of cartoonish glee and childlike wonder. Or maybe it is? The protagonist does indeed recall fond memories from childhood desserts as he discovers a delicious and unexpected treat in the port-a-potty at the local county fair. Even our narrator finds himself a bit surprised by just how blessed he is. He even forgets to take a shit. We’ve all been there, right? Strawberry Shortcake is perhaps the closest I’ve come to reading something that can be defined as stomach-churning, which is high praise coming from me. What are you waiting for? It’s short, it’s sweet–if we believe the narrator–and it should surely leave you gagging for more.
Strawberry Shortcake is a Godless exclusive title, all proceeds going to charity. You can pick this title up for yourself by going to http://www.godless.com or by downloading the Godless app on your favorite mobile devices.